


MagicKlok

by PlotBunniesHaveTakenOverMyLife



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Metalocalypse (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, I expect no one to read this, M/M, Master of Death Harry Potter, Metal Music, Metalocalypse Universe, Siren Singing, This is Crack that I wrote for myself
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-24
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:54:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27696562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PlotBunniesHaveTakenOverMyLife/pseuds/PlotBunniesHaveTakenOverMyLife
Summary: Dethklok discovers the second largest metal band to them. The band called Horcrux has some pretty interesting characters but they seem cool.I expect no one to read this, This is Crack I wrote for myself. I combined my two favorite fandoms and sprinkled in a Metal music obsession.
Relationships: Harry/Toki, Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley, Neville Longbottom/Ginny Weasley
Comments: 1
Kudos: 8





	MagicKlok

Dethklok sat around an outrageously large table in the main hall. The reason the band was up at the crack of 2 in the afternoon was for a band meeting. 

Charles tried to get the band on track once again. 

“Alright, guys so next order of business, I need you to sign these release forms from the last concert in China,” Charles stated. 

Collective groans were heard around the room. 

“ Dude that wall was ancient, it was going to fall at some point right?” Murderface grumbles. 

“Now this is something you have to do so I’ll just pass these around the table….yes Toki?” Charles says seeing the youngest band member’s hand held up. 

“Remembers we talked alreadys. I have that things,” Toki says. 

“Oh yes, Toki you are free to go, as I was saying these forms-” Charles says but was cut off by Pickles.

“Wait! Why does Toki get to leave,” Pickles says, slurring a little.

“Toki scheduled this months ago and can leave this meeting early,” Charles explains like he was talking to a toddler.

“Pffft what’s so importants that you schedule it so fars out?” Skwisgaar asks. This was the first time he had spoken up during the meeting, instead opting to play his guitar.

“Ya! What you got a date with the president?” Murderface asks.

“No I gots tickets to go see my favorites bands! They are premiering in America’s tonight.” Toki says excitedly like a little kid on Christmas. 

“Are we not your favorite band Toki?” Nathan asks pointedly.

“Ya are we not good enough or something?” Pickles accuses, sloshing his beer onto the table. 

Toki holds his hands up in defense. 

“No I likes our bands too but these guys are really goods and one of thems is my friends,” Toki says.

Muderface snorts, saying, “Oh this is another of Toki’s imaginary friends thing. Ok, Toki and who is this ‘friend in the famous band?’. Murderface air quotes the last part. 

“Harry Black,” Toki replies.

“Why does that name sound familiar?” Nathan asks. 

“It should sound familiar because he’s the frontman for the second most popular band in the world uh right after Dethklok of course,” Charles states.

“Then how come Toki’s the only one who’s heard of them?” Pickles asks him. 

“Maybes because I don’ts only cares about myself and listens to other musics that’s not mine,” Toki says, starting to get defensive of his favorite band.

“Oh and what’s the name of this ‘great and famous band?’” Nathan asks quizzically. 

“Horcrux,” Toki replies. 

“Uh Bless you,” Muderface says. 

“No that’s the names of the band,” Toki yells.

“What the fuck is that even suppose to mean?” Muderface retorts. 

Charles clears his throat at the start of a fight between the two. 

“It’s Latin. It roughly translates to Pain store,” Charles says, trying to diffuse the situation.

“Well, that sounds pretty brutal,” Nathan growls out.

“Since this band is the second biggest in the world I think I could allow you guys to leave early with Toki and go to the concert…...You know strictly for research purposes. Maybe you could get some fresh ideas, how does that sound?” 

Sounds of semi-agreement passed through the band. They mostly were looking to get out of this stupid meeting. 

“Oh boy! You guys gets to sees my favorite bands and meets my friend,” Toki says, practically jumping with joy. 

“Uh before you go I think you should watch the uh band documentary that came out a couple of weeks ago. Ah here it is,” Charles says turning on the nearest screen. 

The screen turned on and showed the same host of the Dethklok minute. 

“Hello, and welcome to the long-awaited documentary about the biggest and fasted growing band since Dethklok. Horcrux! 

A team of experts have worked day and night to get information on the secret and reclusive life of the band, but with your donations, we finally got everything we need. 

Starting with band frontman Harry Black. Harry grew up in Surrey, England with his Aunt and uncle after his parents were brutally murdered right in front of him when he was just 2 years old. The murderer was a serial killer that was never caught after that rampage. 

When he was fourteen, Harry had his custody given over to his Godfather Sirius Black who had gotten out of a twelve-year prison sentence when the murder case he was tried for found new evidence. 

Next is lead guitarist, Draco Malfoy. He grew up in England with a single mother after his father was put in prison after embezzling money and government secrets as an English Parliament employee. 

The sibling set Ron and Ginny Weasley make up 2/6s of the band. Both grew up in the distant hills of Scotland on a farm with 5 older brothers. Ron is the bassist of the band and his little sister Ginny is keyboardist and backing vocals. But she isn’t so little where it counts can I get a hell ya from the boys?

Moving on Hermione Granger, rhythm guitarist grew up in as you guessed it, England with her two parents. Both parents are dentists and sure are boring as hell. 

Last but not least, Neville Longbottom the drummer and backbeat of the band. His parents were brutally tortured to insanity by the same serial killer who killed Harry’s parents. He then was raised by his grandmother. 

There you have it, all the information we have on the newest and biggest growing band in the world, HORCRUX. Hope you were able to get tickets to their first American tour, if you didn’t then sucks to be you! I know that this tour sold old an hour after it was announced 4 months ago. See you there losers!” 

The short documentary ended, leaving the TV screen black. 

There was a pause in the Dethklok meeting room. The band members digested the information load they had just heard. 

“ That was some of the most brutal backstories I’ve heard,” Pickles said.

“ Ya I mean why couldn’t my parents have been tortured to insanity right in front of me when I was 2,” Nathan said. 

The rest of the band agreed and shared what they had thought about the brutal backstories. 

“ Alright well if you are all going then go ahead and hop into the DethLimo outside, I’m sure you don’t want to be late for the concert,” Charles says, ushering the band out of Mordhaus. 

* * *

The ride to the next city over to the arena dome was quiet. 

Nathan was looking up Horcrux songs on his IPAD and listening to them with headphones. 

Pickles was making use of the limo bar. Murderface was asleep and Skwisgaar was fiddling with his guitar. 

“Hey Toki, how do you evens knows this guy..er Harry Black. That show said he is froms the Englands,” Skwisgaar asks Toki who was sitting next to him, playing some game on his phone. 

“ oh the lasts times we was on tour there I met him. He saves my lifes and now we friends forever,” Toki tells him. 

Skwisgaar was skeptical. “ Then why have you never spokes about him?”

“ Because you guys never asks about me or my livings,” Toki says. 

None of the guys had anything to say to that and let it go. 

The deth limo stopped and a Klokateer lead them to their private box seats at the top of the arena. The was no opening act, much like Dethklok the band Horcrux had learned the hard way that opener bands were not good for impatient die hard fans. 

Dethklok wouldn’t mention it but as they looked down at the packed arena with screaming die hard fans they got nervous. If this band was really that great then they might have competition. 

They didn’t have to wait too long for the show to start as they saw the lights dim down to announce the band’s entrance. 

Six massive Clydesdale horses trotted down a central aisle toward the stage. All of the members were shrouded in long hooded capes. War drums beat in the distance, setting an ominous feel, complete with audio screams of terror and war cries. 

As the band got on the stage they dismounted the horses and disrobed. Under that, they wore normal black metal clothing like most of Dethklok, except for Ron the bassist who wore a kilt. 

All the band members wore Celtic war paint and the long-haired members had their hair braided in intricate fashions. Together they looked like Celtic warriors about to fight, the drums getting louder as they grabbed their instruments. 

The music was pretty heavy and brutal, not that Nathan explosion would admit it. 

As the beat crescendoes with heavy guitar patterns and audio screams, Harry started to sing into the mic. 

He sang calmly into the mic, giving a false sense of ease to the audience despite heavy screams and beat behind the singing. 

As the song went on, Dethklok became more and more enthralled. 

As the song went on the audience chanted with Harry in unison, ‘Count the bodies like sheep’. 

It was a completely different atmosphere than one of Dethklok’s concerts. The music and singing seemed to cast you under a spell where you had no choice but to sing along and headbang to the murderous backbeat. 

The next song followed after but it was more melodic and showed off Harry’s singing better as well as Draco’s impressive guitar technique. That was until the song changed to a Death metal tone, and Nathan had to admit that kid could scream like the best of them. 

This went on for a couple more songs filled with technical beats, melodic guitar patterns all strung together with Harry singing at the front of it. 

One memorable song was when Ginny stepped out from behind the piano and started to perform a literal striptease for the whole audience. Complete with her dancing and grinding on Harry as he sang, then flashing her breasts to the audience at the height of the song. 

It wasn’t until intermission was called when the spell had been broken and they were aware of their surroundings again. 

Toki was the first to speak. “ Oh wowee that was really great huh? I can’t wait to tell them how great they dids,” Toki says. 

The band didn’t want to admit that the first half of the concert was the best music and performance they had ever seen. 

“ Well I’m gonna say it. Toki, that was the best concert I’ve ever seen. I mean I might be drunk right now but I might actually cry,” Pickles says, taking another drink. 

That comment broke the damn. 

“ I know right? I mean the complexities of the lyrics alone, its genius-” Nathan starting saying. 

“ Ja and that’s guitars is not so bad. The part where they-” Skwisgaar said but was cut off by Murderface. 

“ Did you see her tits. I mean she can play and be totally sexy and has huge knockers, what a woman,” Murderface says dreamily. 

“Well if yous guys wants to tell themes, I’m going backstage to says hi,” Toki says. 

The band almost rushed Toki when he said they could meet them. It was like they had forgotten they too, were a famous band. 

They managed to get backstage after Toki showed the guard a pass, even if it didn’t really matter since the guard was too shocked at seeing Dethklok. 

They found the six members of Horcrux in a large backstage area. 

Nevill and Ginny were cuddling on a plush looking couch. Harry and Hermione were deep in conversation. Ron was busy eating at the snack table, and Draco was sitting on a chair, seemingly asleep. 

Even with all of them still wearing intimidating Celtic war paint and stage outfits, the sight of them being so domestic was shocking. 

When they entered Harry looked up to see Toki who was waving excitedly. 

“ Toki!” Harry said walking over to the Nordic man, giving him a hug. “ I’m so glad you came to our first American show. How did you like it? Brutal enough for ya?” Harry said good-heartedly. 

The boys noticed his accent was thicker with blends of Scottish and English mixed together. When he sang he had no accent, only pure radiant tone that seemed to charm its way into your very soul. 

“ Oh its was reallys cool. You all did so goods.” Toki said. Nathan grunted behind him, so the rest of the band wouldn’t be forgotten. 

“ Oh these are my friends, Nathans, Pickle, Murderface and Skwisgaar,” Toki said introducing each one. 

Harry nodded a greeting to them all. “ I welcome the famous Dethklok band to our little show. Hope it was up to par with your American metal standards.” 

The boys shifted awkwardly, not wanting to admit that they were completely obsessed with the other bands music and performance. 

Harry noticed their awkward looks and chose to introduce his bandmates. 

“ Well this lovely lady right here is Hermione, on the couch are Neville and Ginny. Over at the table shoving his face is Ron. And Draco’s over there asleep, probably best not to wake him up, he gets upset when we interrupt his beauty sleep.” Harry says. 

“ I heard that,” Draco grumbled before shifting to go back to sleep. 

Ginny got up to greet Toki. 

“ Hi Toki I’ve heard so much about you, it’s good to finally meet you and your friends,” Ginny says. Her old Celtic outfit showed off her ample breasts and bounced when she talked. 

Muderface pushed Toki out of the way and kissed Ginny’s hand in greeting. 

“ Enchante,” He said. “ It’s a pleasure to meet you miss.” 

Ginny giggled at his antics. 

“ Sorry but none of that’s going to work on me, I’m taken. Isn’t that right Honey?” Ginny says, turning to talk to Neville who was still on the couch. 

“ That’s right sugar. Sorry bro, you’re not the first one to get shot down by her after a show.” 

Muderface grumbled under his breath dejected. 

“ He definitely won’t be the last guy either. I almost had to kick a fan in the teeth after he tried to climb past the Deatheaters during Ginny’s ‘Main Scene’. Harry said, putting air quotes around the last part, referring to Ginny’s strip tease and flashing of the audience. 

“ Deatheaters?” Pickles questions. 

“ Oh they’re the guys in skull masks, they’re kind of like you’re klockateers. It’s crazy how devoted people can be to a band,” Neville replied. 

Dethklok had seen some guys in long black cloaks complete with animal skulls as masks when they were backstage. To be honest they were even more unnerving than the klockateers. 

Now that they thought of it, both bands seemed to have a lot in common. 

A devoted fan base that would work for them 24/7. 

A long black haired singer and frontman. 

An egotistical blonde, foreign lead guitarist. There were probably more to list. 

The point was that they had more in common than differences. Maybe they didn’t have to be competition like the members of Dethklok had originally thought. Maybe they could even be….friends like Harry and Toki. What kind of unstoppable force would the two biggest metal bands in the world be if they teamed together. 

Did Charles Offdensen secretly plan this whole meeting, knowing that a joint deal could be made between the bands that would result in the most profitable concert of all time? 

Could the world even handle the epic brutality that would be a joint concert between Horcux and Dethklok? 

The Church of the Black Klok would soon be asking these important questions, only for it to be too late. 

**Author's Note:**

> Hey this is a Crack idea that popped up in my head. I like Dethklok, metal and Harry potter so I decided to write it into a story. I will explain the harry potter characters’ stories in the next chapter. As for the Concert scene, I wrote their entrance song to line up with   
> ‘Count the Bodies like sheep’ by A Perfect Circle.   
> For the band sound of Horcrux, I wanted it to be more melodic metal and have Harry’s voice sounding like Maynard Keenan.   
> If you want to listen to some of the songs I think they would play here’s a list, I’m aware they are not all the same genre, they are just some of my favorites that I think would be cool to see the Potter gang sing.   
> Noose - A Perfect Circle  
> Pet- A perfect circle  
> The pot- TOOL   
> 46 and 2- TOOL   
> Change- Deftones  
> Toxicity- System of Down   
> Aerials- System of Down  
> Schism- TOOL   
> ALSO the Ginny stripping scene was based on BATMETAL FOREVER video where Batgirl strips.


End file.
